If only in my dreams….
I’ve shared many of my personal stories here, but there was one that I’ve have up to now, kept very tightly to me, as if I was afraid of it leaving me. At first, I was going to keep this one to myself, and then I thought: why? When I’ve shared so much with you already. What’s one more? Well, this very special music piece at the current time is fueling my imagination for a story I’m currently working on. If you bear with me now, I’ll explain how this brain child of mine came into being. She’s a small little thing but still very dear and lovely to me. So I titled this piece, Reina: my sweet miracle.
Having a baby has always been my secret, sacred wish and along the way, it was discovered that it just wasn’t meant to be, much to my heartbreak. For only a very brief time, I knew the joy very few women are able to experience….the knowledge they have the beginnings of a new life inside them. The feeling is almost unfathomable, almost surreal. I began to feel my body change almost instantly to make way for this new life, which sadly just wasn’t meant to be. My body fought against this new life, my immune system went to war on it subsequently killing it. Just as quickly as it arrived it seems, this small spark of life, like a candle’s flame, blew out as if by a sharp wind. And there are times ever since that terrible morning, I can feel that emptiness inside overwhelm me, filling me with utter despair. Over time, I just came to the sad realization that a flesh and blood child was never meant to be for me. However, I take consolation in the fact that I still have a gift…I can still create, if not with my womb but with my heart, mind and soul. I have almost a litter of my brain children around me now; what I’ve written to my blog, other things I’ve created and shared those are included in that. My biggest child yet was my novel…my biggest still is this one…my blog…and you know, she’s always screaming at me to feed her with more content, which I always try to do. She’s a pesky little thing, always demanding attention..how is she going to manage when I have to start classes up again in a couple of weeks? Well, I’ll manage it somehow.
So, this one, like so many of the others, I’ve already posted here, she was mine, but now I share her with all of you. This one is in two parts…by design. I wanted this one to convey two different events and moods….the first: discovering you carry this new life inside you, and waiting with almost nervous yet excited anticipation for his/her arrival to this world; the second part: the arrival finally of this little miracle you are holding in your arms, this fragile new life created from the union of two people in love. I found two tracks of music that I thought would convey these two moods perfectly. The first track I found from the Pretty Boy disk and the second one, sadly, I don’t remember where I got it.
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